well,

i'm kind of obsessed with texts from last night. in a really sick way i love reading about how much worse someone's life is than mine. i have never ever ever thrown up in a walmart sack and had to carry it around all night. i mean, there's something to be said for that.

on a completely unrelated note, am i the only one who wishes that things made for babies could be made bigger for adults? take this, for example.

this is called the nap nanny. you put the baby in there, a nice comfortable, reclined position, belt them in, and they fall asleep like that. for hours. i mean, what we really need is for that to be made about three times longer and twice as wide and i would totally burn my bed and sleep in that. it's soft, plush, and i imagine it would be the best thing ever. it's recommended for babies with colic, reflux, poor sleeping habits...i have sleep apnea...i'm convinced this would cure me.

what's totally wrong here? the slogan on napnanny.com is "everyone sleeps". well dammit if everybody sleeps why don't you make one of those for everybody? how is this fair? short answer: it's not.

wannabe indie kid confession of the day: i'm obsessed with ke$ha. she says the dollar sign is supposed to be ironic. i'm going to run with that.

MEL.

it's so strange

to be living in two different time zones.

i'm living in michigan from sunday night until friday afternoon. i live in indiana from friday night until sunday afternoon. that has me in slow time (chicago time) on weekends and fast time the rest of the week. everything work related is kzoo time and everything and everybody else in my life is on slow time. which is very strange.

i have the clock on my computer set to slow time...right now it is...10:22. everything else is fast time. i woke up this morning at 7...ish...stumbled out of bed and to my computer because, of course, what's the first thing you do in the morning? check facebook, what else? maybe even tweet. or maybe not. too early. too busy being pissed because my computer (the lying bastard) tried to tell me i'd woken an hour early. and that's just unheard of and uncalled for. especially since i'd only gotten...maybe 3 or 4 hours of sleep total, mostly due to falling asleep listening to an audiobook and waking up panicked when the narrator raised her voice...then waking repeatedly to terrible nightmares, about a million of them. i remember one someone tried to wrap me in a ball of yarn. they had a whole shit ton of yarn. and i mean a shit. ton. in another one i was in this giant field of goats and they were all staring at me, chewing their cud like there was no tomorrow. they were chewing so loudly, and while that bothers me in real life, in dream life, you would think they were ripping my eyes out it was so unbearable. and have you ever seen goat eyes? those pupils are so ugly i don't think they should exist. but anyway it scared me.

so when i finally figured out that my computer was on slow time i was about to set another alarm for an hour later...when i was supposed to start work. i'm a little glad i caught that.

has anybody read/listened to/heard of the book by audrey niffenegger, her fearful symmetry? it's very good. about twins and ghosts. actually, has anybody read her other book? the time traveler's wife. actually i think it would be my favorite book, as of right this second. it's very good. i'm listening to symmetry as an audiobook...i am officially obsessed with audiobooks...and i love the narrator's voice. she sounds like a smoker- not one of those horrid hack hack black lung smokers but one from the 20's, with a nice, bluesy voice, just a little bit hoarse but very low and sultry. i think if you could have romantic feelings for a disembodied voice i would have them for this one. it's very nice. on top of that, she has an english accent. and i have a thing for accents.

i may add her voice to my list of lady crushes. does that count? does it have to be a whole lady to make the list? can i have a crush on, say, lady gaga's lips? katy perry's torso? cause both of those are pretty hot.

maybe i should just make a lady part crush list. except i really don't like the sound of that. let me think about the name. but the list should totally exist.

remember when

i said that laundry was the most amazing thing in my life?

i lied.

i just ate some chips with artichoke spinach dip and i want to marry it. can we legalize that plz?

also, i've realized i'm going to be one of those obnoxious bloggers who stops in and write 3 sentences 5 times a day. hope ur cool with that.

well, laundry can be second most amazing. but omg chips and dip. omg.

sometimes i'll write really interesting, long, funny, make you laugh, make you cry, it's got everything you could ever ask for blog posts. but just not right now. actually...i may import my favorite, most interesting ever blog post from facebook (so ok, technically a note) back when i didn't know what blogging was and thought that facebook was fun to write on except O WAIT i have my mom on facebook and she still doesn't know i know how to spell damn. so that was over with quickly.

is it weird

to sniff dryer sheets?

does it make me weird to bury my face in a warm basket of laundry and inhale in one long sniffff through my half-congested nostrils? to enjoy the smell of detergent almost as much as i enjoy, say, a new pair of shoes, or finding a dollar, or realizing my favorite flavor of gum is on sale?

i think what i'm trying to say is i really love the smell of laundry.

i just thought i should let you all know.

lists

i love:
-long stripey socks.
-dark chocolate mint ice cream.
-having my computer in town. !!!
-photoshop.
-lensbabies.
-space heaters.
-cherry coke zero.
-lemon-pomegranate lip gloss.
-funny paramedics.
-that one cop who whistled the whole way through the hospital.
-looking supah-fine.
-tweezers.
-tweezing things that i could pick up just as easily with my hands.
-pomegranates.
-tegan and sara's new album, or what i've heard of it.
-foreign accents. accents in general, really.
-adding pointless steps to things.
-skipping steps that i don't deem necessary.
-finally knowing how to spell necessary.
-blueberry-cranberry juice.
-lily allen.
-filling up punch cards at my favorite stores.
-orbit sweet mint gum.
-not stuttering when i say regularly.
-alliteration.
-when i can speak coherently.
-my hoosier accent even when i pretend not to.
-quilts.
-flannel shirts.
-the smell of my boyfrann's shampoo.
-BABIES.

i hate:
-sweating.
-staples.
-sour fruits.
-pomegranate juice in my eye.
-thinking i have less time in the shower than i do.
-forgetting to turn my alarm off on weekends.
-looking sooo fine with nowhere to go.
-cashiers asking if i want gift receipts because i really don't know the purpose.
-trying to buy presents.
-looking in my package of gum and only finding wrappers.
-having to give away my last piece of gum.
-jerk cops who give me tickets.
-being hungry.
-wanting to eat when i'm not hungry.
-the dregs of anything. tea, coffee, smushy ice cream.
-forgetting to take the size stickers off of new shirts. world, i am L.
-scrubbing gore out of my eyebrow.
-forgetting that people get grossed out easier than i do.
-going to bed and being cold, waking up and being hot, and vice versa.
-spell check messing with my head. versa is so a word.
-the way codeine makes my head feel like cotton balls on opium.
-realizing that legit drugs would destroy me if i feel like this on codeine.
-rolling my car.
-thinking that the doc is about to feel me up HOLY KINDERGARTEN BATMAN.
-nickleback.
-people who are really dumb and talk to me like i am.
-being really angry and not knowing why.
-teenage angst...thought i was over that...

thinking

they should totally make a baby scented candle. i mean, the smell of a baby's scalp is one of the most intoxicating smells right before chocolate and right behind coffee, which is second only to the smell of honeysuckle at night. and i'm sorry, babies are basically the cutest things ever.

is there anything more adorable than a baby? baby things, anything, are cute. let's face it, people just love little things. miniature pugs, poodles, little kid shoes, kittens, puppies, baby giant sloths, dolls, dolls for our dolls, really anything that is a smaller version of something bigger wins us over. and people, being kind of self obsessed already, love little tiny versions of ourselves.

i kind of think that whatever makes us love little things is what keeps us from losing it and leaving our babies on the front steps of churches or orphanages. they are just too cute to lose.

"awh, he's sitting up just like a little person!" -gwen

ready to roll

so friday i flip my car. over, and over, and then back again. flip my car, no big deal. whatever man. ripped my scalp open. blood frickin everywhere. i looked like a crime scene. took three (3) staples- think office depot, swingline, hey can you staple these papers together for neatness sake IN MY HEAD, and i didn't even cry.

WHO IS A CHAMPION???

I IS A CHAMPION.

but geez. would you believe the cost of drycleaning??? i have GOT to get all that blood out of my cape. super powers and i can't even keep my clothes from staining.